Being mindful in difficult times

 

In last two decades, Mindfulness has become very popular. I don’t want to assume that everybody knows what mindfulness is, however I think that lots of people have heard about it. I believe that a lot of people have had some sort of experience with mindfulness through reading books, attending workshops, listening to podcasts, learning from trainings at work or participating at classes in schools (the last one makes me particularly happy to know that Mindfulness is taught to young people). I also know that there are people who are mindful by nature. They don’t need classes of worldwide movements to teach them Mindfulness – they live by it (more in Enjoy Life). Even during the Pandemic, lots of people turned to spirituality in every shape and form, tried Mindfulness or deepened their practice.

 

What does it mean to be mindful? A dictionary explains that the word mindful means being conscious or aware of something, like obligations to your parents, or being in tune with your body. I feel another definition of the word mindful can be used to describe a lifestyle. A lifestyle that inspires to be present with what is – the good, the bad and the ugly. A lifestyle that is like an ongoing training, following the steps and principles of Mindfulness. A lifestyle that I have been trying to live since my leaving cert times and a broken heart that my dear friend Rav tried to help me heal by nearly forcing me to read ‘Awareness’ by Anthony de Mello. A lifestyle that I have been living since grow spurts and times of stagnation.

What is Mindfulness? In a nutshell, Mindfulness equals awareness of what is happening. Observing external events and internal affairs without judging it. Observing it without a judgment, moment by moment as Jon Kabat Zin says. There are a few parts to it. It can be described as an ancient spiritual practice that has been adopted to a modern lifestyle. At a basic level, Mindfulness is gathering personal data about thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations. This is when we pay attention to thinking or feeling or bodily sensations or individually or all at once, when we are advanced into the art of mindfulness. We can also observe what is going on outside of us –  by feeling connected to life happening, to our family/community, admiring nature, walking on the earth, or staring into the sky, eating and drinking naturally grown or processed foods, breathing air into our lungs; by living life to the fullest.

Breathing is the most important one – it connects our internal world with the big world outside of our body. It links us with all of existence. Mindfulness can be explained through breathing. We all know that a human being can survive without food and drink for quite a long time, being trapped somewhere... but without breathing we can only go on for a few minutes. Many people take breathing for granted. It happens automatically from the moment we are born. Only when breathing difficulties occur e.g. respiratory tract infections or running up ten floors – we become much more mindful of breathing. Breathing techniques are the essence of mindfulness – breathing anchors us in the HERE AND NOW. Our bodies live in the now. Life happens in the now. Our minds often live somewhere else: wandering through the past, present or future. For many people their minds are everywhere but the present moment. Mindfulness explores the present moment; not the past or the future. It helps the body, the mind and the soul to align in the now.

Practicing Mindfulness is exactly like starting gym or learning how to play an instrument, except that Mindfulness exercises the mind, especially the ‘letting go’ muscle, as Sharon Salzberg – one of the greatest teachers ever says. That practice takes time and effort, some elements have to be repeated endlessly, e.g. breathing exercises or grounding practice.

Mindfulness can be practiced anytime, anywhere and in any circumstances. Anytime and anywhere you can stop for a moment and take a few deep breaths or move your toes in your shoes consciously connecting yourself to the Earth or while sitting in your kitchen and about to have a cup of tea. Touch the hot cup, smell the tea, taste it and sip it slowly concentrating on what are you doing in that very moment. It doesn’t have to attract any attention e.g. when you are sitting at work and reading an email that makes you very angry and you want to answer it in a brutally honest manner… You might stop before it spirals out of control. Stop and take a few deep breaths. And a few more and even more if needed. Has anything changed? Are you being more reflective than reactive? Answer now.

Mindfulness practice does not have to involve any ongoing expenses. It provides lots of different techniques that anyone interested can learn, however not everybody might be interested in exploring it. It is also reported that some people experience emotional or psychological distress while trying to practice mindfulness either on their own or with a group. There are a few reasons why this may happen. It can be a very unpleasant and scary experience and should be facilitated by an experienced practitioner or therapist. The intention behind Mindfulness practice is not to make anything to happen or to entertain, however there is lots of research reporting that people who practice mindfulness regularly have low stress levels and generally enjoy well-being.

Mindfulness is not a remedy to everything. It is not a crystal ball that foretells the future or a magic wand that changes reality. It is not what you practice when you have mental health problems or feeling very unstable or traumatized. What you need to do is to address it with your doctor or another professional as soon as possible. It its not the emotional first aid kit that you can apply in circumstances like that. What Mindfulness can teach you is to know about your own limitations. 

Mindfulness teaches us how to experience life moment by moment without judging it. Perhaps it’s quite easy when things are going fine. Rev. angel Kyodo Williams says that everyone has the potential to develop ‘a basic okayness’ and most of us already have. This is when we are in a state where we feel ok in our body, mind and spirit. It is a completely different story when your heart is breaking, or if we are experiencing a personal end of the world. Being okay with ‘what is’ might be impossible. Staying in the now can be torture. We need to be mindful of our limitations.

 

Practicing Mindfulness in a protected environment is nice and easy. It is amazing to have a meditation room in the house or another place where nobody would bother you. And lots of time to do it. I went to a lecture once on meditation and one of Amma’s disciples told the story of the petrol station. The story goes that when Amma travelled she always wanted to stop a few times to meditate. Once she requested to stop at a very busy and noisy petrol station. Her disciples couldn’t believe the choice she made. Why not a beautiful, peaceful forest nearby, or somewhere at the quite river bank? A petrol station? Noisy, stinky and horrible in many other ways. Amma explained that the real practice doesn’t mind where and when it is happening. Practicing in the midst of difficulties in an unwelcoming place or hostile time can be as good, or maybe even better than a sacred place when all children are asleep and nobody will barge in asking for something.

 

It doesn’t have to take a pandemic to turn our life upside down. Every time we have a fight with a loved one, experience an incident at work, being unable to pay a bill, being exposed to some aggressive behavior, having a panic attack in the middle of a supermarket, worry about a child being bullied at school, or experience overwhelming past trauma that shakes you to the core can inspire a shift to mindfulness. How can we stay mindful of despair, pain, stress, frustration, and fear? Naturally we don’t want to do that. Naturally most of us want to avoid the pain. The pandemic involuntarily exposed us to lots of negative and painful emotions such as isolation, fear, anxiety, prolonged low mood or depression, boredom, anger, frustration - all emotions that make people feel unbearably uncomfortable. There were a very few safe havens a person could find a refuge in.

Practicing Mindfulness and Loving Kindness prepares us for feeling those highly uncomfortable emotions, acknowledge them for what they are and let go. One way of describing it is like hitting a wall. An image comes to mind – the wall from Game of Thrones – a big, long, hard to conquer wall that separates the ‘civilized world’ from the ‘wilders’. It may take many attempts to conquer it before the letting go part comes into play. The letting go process might take even longer and might be much more complicated. It is a long journey. It takes years. It is not a quick fix you might hear here and there: ‘do a bit of Mindfulness’ or ‘download this app and do a breathing exercise’. Of course ‘a bit of mindfulness’ can help to relax – however research confirms that anxious people find ‘a bit of mindfulness’ more distressing than doing nothing. I think that advice like that is rather unhelpful – they give a false idea of what the practice of Mindfulness is. If unsupported, it might expose someone vulnerable to feeling even worse and give up practice altogether. In some cases it can trigger a breakdown or other serious mental health crisises.  Most of us don’t want to feel more pain we already feel.

Being mindful in times of crisis can be very helpful indeed. It gives a sense of clarity and halts panic. Does it remove the problem? It surely doesn’t, but it helps to find ways of how to deal with it. Difficult times paradoxically provide an excellent opportunity to grow. Despite outside circumstances we can outgrow problems, reinvent ourselves, restore our energy, refresh plans, regroup strengths, re-evaluate your directions in life and perhaps learn/relearn how to listen to your inner voice. If Covid-19 was the biggest existential crisis of our time – then it definitely provided the biggest opportunity to grow. It seems that for many people Covid-19 provided a dividing line – life before and life after. I dare to say that every global tragedy that has happened – like World Wars or other atrocities that caused global repercussions like the 9/11 attack –  has changed the ways we see things forever. They change lives.  If personal end of the worlds happened before Covid and it has been overcome – than perhaps similar resources can be reapplied?

 

It is important to remember when dealing with difficulties that sometimes these difficulties bring good things. They can teach us about our own resilience and skills. They can also show who we can rely on…

 

Being Mindful in difficult times is possible. Tara Brach thinks that it is impossible to avoid difficulties and that we need to build up resources in advance. The resources she suggests are: applied self-compassion, loving kindness for yourself and others, patience and a good laugh. I highly encourage you to listen to one of Tara Brach’s lectures. Each one of them is full of treasures that various people might find very resourceful.

 

In my opinion the worst way of dealing with something tough or problematic is dealing with it in isolation. That is a very lonely and hostile place to be. Nobody needs to do that. Talking to someone trusted might help to relieve the stress and find support. Talking to a therapist might help to find another perspective or solutions to the problem. As they say: a problem shared is a problem halved.

 

There are two poems I want to quote:

 

 

Gathering Light for Winter by Jeanette Encinias

 

When you have no words for the 

wounds

When your body is as hollowed out and 

dark

As a jack-o-lantern in November.

When you have lost your north, your

south,

Your east, and your west

Stay still

 

 

Perhaps this is all we can do at times – to stay still. Staying still with what is going on, not wasting any more energy than necessary.

 

This poem was sent to me sometime in August 2020, I am unsure if it has a title.

 

My Grandmother once gave me a tip:

In difficult times, you move forward in small steps.

Do what you have to do, but little by little.

Don't think about the future or what may happen

tomorrow.

Wash the dishes.

Remove the dust.

Write a letter.

Make a soup.

You see?

You are advancing step by step.

Take another step and stop.

Rest a little.

Praise yourself.

Take another step.

Then another.

You won't notice, but your steps will grow more

and more.

And the time will come when you can think about the future without crying.

By Elena Mikhalkova

 

Perhaps being practical is how we survive in difficult times. By designing a strategy of small steps and keeping busy…

 

I am sure there are many other ways of getting resources ready, remembering about our limitations and the fact that we do not live in an ideal world. Last but not least, I want to suggest a resource based on my observations that the pandemic helped many people to turn to spirituality or rediscover it. A very powerful place to be in while dealing with difficulties is to be mindful and remember that THIS TOO SHALL PASS.