'Silence teaches you how to sing'*

 

In my late teens and very early 20's I used to listen to very loud music. It helped me manage the chaos in my mind, to quite the inner noise and anxious thoughts, to find silence through noise…

Mary Piper in the Reviving Ophelia states that people, especially young people are often confused by the voices of their parents, family, teachers, friends, religion and so on. Those voices can be critical, demanding, insulting, humiliating and far away from delivering the clarity one might need. Not everybody is confused, though. There are many people, or young people that know exactly what course of actions they should take. Like my brother. The voices they hear are supportive, encouraging, motivating and helpful. Possibly, they hear their own voice that is strong enough to speak louder than any other voices.

I remember I too heard the voices, very critical ones. They didn’t belong to me. Every time I heard that voice, or recalled that in my mind – I felt my soul was shrinking. I found myself struggling with every decision I had to make, saturated in anxiety. I didn’t realize that then. But I realized that music was the solution to silencing it and reaching my salvation in the same time.

Later in life, I got to know, talk and listen to many people who disclosed their torment by voices of an inner critic, parents, teachers, spiritual leaders, bosses, spouses, co-workers, friends, politicians and so on. The impact of the above usually consisted of fear, sometimes paralyzing fear that prevented them from making a small step, even the smallest one. The inner blame or shame would follow that. Anxiety and depression were often present as a manifestation of inner turbulences. 

I also had the privilege of working with recovery groups. I remember a number of times people saying they could not hear music, because their inner chaos and thoughts were too big and loud. They could not hear other things either, but music really got my attention. Those people found no silence in anything and only medication was the salvation from the inner noise.

Similarly, I also had the privilege to hear people stating in a therapeutic setting that they hated silence. Silence was heavy and gloomy and overwhelming. Silence after arguments, silence in the household, where very little has been said, silence as a punishment. Silence was the enemy. Therefore, they needed to make the noise and created lots of thoughts and actions to make sure silence did not exist. A very different experience.

People report that they can ‘hear’ the voice of an inner critic. Or follow ‘the voice of intuition’ or their ‘gut feeling’. Some of these manifest as thoughts, some as bodily sensations. In extreme cases, as reported in psychiatric research, certain mental illnesses are characterised by auditory experience. It is reported that some people hear external voices, saying certain words and sentences, that aren’t really there. I have also heard about people, who channel spiritual wisdom and guidance from the above or from the beyond by contacting ancestral beings.

Are they the same thing, just experienced in different ways? Psychology research finds that the majority of people create some form of an inner dialogue. Some people might internalize destructive critical comments they receive and develop maladaptive ways of thinking and similar behaviours. There is a lot of research out there proving that criticism destroys self-esteem and confidence. Or the soul.

Similarly – others might internalize positive and encouraging feedback. Healthy or successful behaviour follows. Nurturing words can help to develop and progress in life. Or survive adverse circumstances.

Inner dialogue can offer reassuring and motivating phrases such as: well done! You are doing your best! You tried, next time it might work! Or knock someone down to the ground: you never did anything good! You will never manage this, don’t even bother! followed by insulting: you fool, you are thick, ugly, hopeless. The hope that things and one’s self-opinion and performance might change is stolen.

We are what we think we are.

Awareness of unhealthy inner dialogue can lead to freedom from inner turbulences. Changing ‘the script’ is challenging, but doable. Help and support is needed, especially a safe place to explore inner turbulences and negative self-talk. Psychotherapy and group work can be a great help. Changing thoughts and inner dialogue needs to be followed by actions. New and healthy behaviours have to be repeated many times to create a new routine, new pathways in the brain. One needs to remember that setbacks can happen and that they are part of the change, not the end of the world.

‘ONCE IN A WHILE, we are given moments of real grace. Sometimes, during my early-morning meditation, a place within me opens and parts of myself let go that I did not even know were holding on. In these moments I feel all the hard places in my heart and body yield to great softness carried on my breath, and I am filled with compassion for the part of me that is always trying, always organizing, problem solving, anticipating. And my mind stops and simply follows my breath. A great faith washes through me, a knowing that everything that needs to get done will get done. My shoulders drop an inch, the small but familiar ache in my chest eases, and the moment stretches. There is enough: enough time, enough energy, enough of all that is needed. A great tenderness for myself and the world opens inside me, and I know I belong to this time, to these people, to this earth, and to something that is both within and larger than all of it, something that sustains and holds us all. I do not want to be anywhere else. I am filled with commitment and compassion for myself and the world.’ - ‘Accepting the invitation’ by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

I can relate to that extract. With time and after finding my way to inner silence through changing my ways of thinking and meditation, I learned to control my thoughts and turn the volume down in my mind. With that I was able to experience more and more silence. With time I understood that only silence can give peace. It can nourish and give a great awareness or insight into what is really going on. Solve problems, makes plans. With time I learn to listen and rely on my own, wise, inner voice.

Silence teaches you how to sing.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIkxYw_S43c

'Silence teaches you how to sing' by ULVER