Self-care is not selfish
It is
possible that the idea of self-care in the modern outlook comes from the
Jesuits’ concept of CURA PERSONALIS. Cura Personalis translates from Latin as ‘care
for the entire person’ or ‘care of the whole person’. Different cultures around
the world developed their own philosophy of self-care and a connection between
an individual, community and the larger environment. In other words, the holistic
view of health and taking care of the body, mind, spirit and its surroundings has
been promoted for centuries.
In health care, self-care is considered as a necessary regulatory
function, not a selfish activity. It is recommended by health providers and
should be a set of regular, deliberate, self-initiated activities under
individual control. Examples are: having regular healthy meals, taking
medication, exercising, keeping a balance between work, family life and the
rest, engaging in hobbies and social life and much more. Self-care is for
everybody. It is a common sense approach, the very same way the announcement states
in every airplane before take-off: in case of an emergency, the masks will pop
down, put your mask on first before putting them on your children or anyone
else. If you are unwell or dead – you are unable to take care or help anybody
else. Self-care is not a onetime experience, but a
continuous process of applying ongoing things that work for a person to help
them ‘catch up with themselves’.
Self-care is much more than going for a walk three times a week.
Existing research on self-care demonstrates that if applied, it improves
physical, emotional and mental health. It is an absolute paramount for people
in any form of recovery e.g. alcohol, drugs, bad physical or mental health.
Self-care indicates personal strength and commitment, and in spiritual
terms it is an act of love and compassion. It helps to find a perspective on
what is going on in one’s life.
For some reason lots of people struggle with the idea of self-love and
self-compassion. It seems much
easier to have love and compassion for others, but applying it to yourself
might seem not ok for some people. It brings to mind words indicating that
doing it is bad: selfish, self-absorbed, self-centered, self-… can you
think of more? Or ideas indicating that ‘I
am not worthy of ‘me time’’ or that there are ‘more important things to do’. According to the Jesuits’ philosophy behind creating
the principles of Cura Personalis is the belief that all that makes up an
individual is worth of respect and our personality, talents, physical
attributes, abilities, minds and hearts are equally worth of care and
attention.
There are some myths around self-care and perhaps this is why many
people struggle with the idea. Self-care does not have to be
time consuming. It can be incorporated into any lifestyle e.g. reading a
book on the bus to work, listening to favorite music or meditation app on your
phone, cook your favorite meal, go to the cinema, anything that might give you
a nice break and help tom switch off. Assuming it doesn’t wear you out – common
sense approach – there is no point to get stressed in order to get relaxed. Self-care does not have
to be boring or repetitive. It can be very pleasant – and since we are
different, we find different things pleasant (like a hot bath and facial,
watching Ireland’s Fittest Family with your children), enjoyable (like meeting a friend for a cup of tea and a
sinful cake) and creative (like going to a shoe making workshop – sky is the
limit to creativity).
Self-care is not a pointless self-indulgence. It is often a meaningful
and mindful number of activities including making changes in patterns of
thinking and behaviors that do not contribute to well-being e.g. binge eating, binge
drinking or binge watching Netflix. Self-care is not selfish, just
the opposite. When a person practices self-care on a regular basis, they are
better equipped, more energetic, more aware of their own and other’s needs and
possibly more motivated to care about others, the community and environment.
Self-care should be applied all year long. However in winter months, it might
be more important than in spring or summer. Long nights, short days, rain,
snow, winds and storms can affect our physical and mental well-being. If you
live in Ireland and experience the cloudy winters – you would know your body
does not produce much vitamin D. If it is cloudy, it means it might rain which
can lead to infections and colds. In many other places cloudy skies, dark
evenings, wind, rain and snow can lead to a lower mood or to a condition called
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) that is a form of depression, known as
‘winter depression’.
Authors and researchers who write and research the concept of self-care and
its practical applications distinguished a number of Universally Recognized
Pillars that build up the concept. Some believe there are 4, 6, 7 or 8 pillars
describing self-care. Although they have the same purpose and are meant to give
an indication on what is optimum for our well-being and what might be out of
balance. Those pillars cover similar ideas and the more pillars there is, the
more area is covered. Personally I find the idea of 8 Universally Recognized Pillars
the most appealing and comprehensive.
The 8 Universally Recognized Pillars of Self-Care are:
Where do
we start?
Each of the pillars seems self-explanatory. However brainstorming or
feedback from a trusted person might be needed when working on them. It helps
to make a schedule, plan or a list of what areas we need to apply more
self-care to. Things that are written or typed tend to inspire commitment. We
can examine each of the 8 pillars in order to figure out what needs to be taken
care of, what part of our life may be draining us and taking peace, joy and well-being
away. I dare to say that we naturally tend to certain pillars and things work out
fine. However, often we unintentionally neglect certain pillars, which creates
problems. Bottom line is – common sense approach - not everyone needs to take
care of all of them, we are all different.
There are a few suggestions below:
- Pick a pillar of self-care that you feel you need to work on and brainstorm what exactly you want to achieve in this area. Would a course on Celtic Spirituality be for you?
- If you feel stuck and don’t know where to start – take it easy, one step at a time. Do you hold any beliefs against self-care? Explore that.
- Use common sense: do not consider things you dislike unless you want to challenge yourself. There is a variety of things you can do.
- Be realistic about the time you can spare. Write notes in your diary, reminders in your phone, or sticky notes.
- Do you need any motivation from outside? Like ‘giving a report’ to your local slimming group leader?
- Have you practiced self-care in the past? What has worked in the past?
- Do you struggle to brainstorm ideas? Do you struggle to make a plan or a list? Phone or meet up with a trusted person, get engaged with a counsellor or a coach.
- Decide what would work for you during the year e.g. take a stroll in the morning to avoid dark evenings during winter. Be flexible.
- Decide if you want to practice self-care on your own or if it would work better if you had company. There are so many different groups, clubs – check community notice boards, websites or ‘a word of month’.
-
Take a
break, make a cup of tea and mindfully enjoy that. You might also chillout and chillax with https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62d2QvWAVt4
GHOSTING by Cathy Kerwin
I love ghosting
Simple really
Making a decision to put my needs
first
Learning to trust my instincts when
They tell me that I need to checkout
Take timeout
Take space
When I choose to close down
My phone
My laptop
When I choose to ignore
All the conflicting images, posts
I ghost social media
I ghost drama
I ghost anything that has the
potential to
Bring drama
Conflict
Into my world
I love ghosting because in ghosting
Cocoon myself
I find more of my inner peace
My smile
My joy
My space
I recharge, I smile, I laugh, I love
more
I reconnect with myself
I’ve learned that ghosting is my way
of
Self-caring, it’s healthy so how could
I not
I love ghosting.
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