GRATITUDE (for Angelina)
Dada Vaswani (1918-2018)
I lived in London for a few years over
20 years ago. For many reasons I was absolutely ecstatic when I moved there,
and I was able to experience many different cultures, and visit treasures of
different cultures and civilizations in London’s museums. During that time I
worked for a wealthy Indian family. They treated me very well, and they made me
feel that my presence and my work for them mattered. They made me feel like I
belonged. My employers gave me a great insight into their spirituality, and
taught me a few lessons on how spirituality works in action, without empty
words. They never spoke about themselves like “I am so spiritual, look at me!”.
Their spirituality was embodied in their actions. Many acts of their kindness
and genuine care towards their family, friends, community and the world were
inspirational to observe. It was a new thing for me - a completely
different culture with an incredibly strong sense of community and family, and
a shared mindset that together, they were stronger and better. The idea of
separateness, or individuality, was not felt in anything they did or say. At
the same time, seeing the altars in their office and their homes and small
offerings given to their Gods/Deities made me feel like I was a part of a
different reality. Seeing God Ganesh at every door always filled me with a very
positive feeling. In Poland people believe that an elephant (usually in a form
of a pendant) brings luck.
One day my employers invited me to a
Dada Vaswani talk. Dada Vaswani was their guru, who was coming from India to
visit London and their community. He was to give a few public talks - 'members
only' - and spend time with people by teaching, guiding, and mentoring. I was
invited to a public talk. I felt very honored by the invitation, and also very
curious. It was on my day off and it was optional, it was not a work event. No
pressure to go. My employer said that there was a chance I might not
understand, but there was also a chance I could learn something great. I felt
very excited about finding out. Despite tiredness after a busy week and many
working hours - I made a choice, followed my curious mind and neglected my
tired body. I was also one of the very, very few non-Indian people amongst
perhaps the 200 invited there. The talk and after-party were completely new
experiences for me, beyond what I expected. You cannot expect things you
haven't experienced or imagined. Indian culture, music, clothes, dynamics, and
food were a real challenge to my senses; the talk by Dada Vaswani embraced my
soul. That talk put a big mark on my outlook.
Dada Vaswani just published a new book and his lecture that evening was about
gratitude. It was the very first time I heard about the concept. The importance
of every day gratitude and saying “thank you”. Saying “thank you” for all sorts
of things we can control, like breakfast prepared by someone and things that
happen outside of our control like good weather. Gratitude for big events like
meeting our spouses, having children and friends and other good people, and
small events like going for a holiday. Gratitude for practical things that we
often forget are a privilege to have like clothes, a house, a car, etc. He
spoke about being mindful of the ‘here and now’ and that every moment is a
gift, nothing is ever granted. Because nothing is never granted - we need to be
thankful for what is... what a powerful message! I had never looked at things in
the way he described.
Dada Vaswani used very basic English. I
am unsure whether that was just his style or not, however at the time my
English was quite simple and I felt that his style helped me to make a perfect
connection to the meaning. Things spoken from the heart in a simple language
have enormous power. Besides the fact that he was speaking on stage that was illuminated
to make him visible to the distant rows in the theatre. I felt the spotlights
on him were not necessary. He shone his own light.
I feel some people live gratitude and
follow its principles deeply rooted in spirituality. They don’t expect anything
‘extra’ because they have already recognized a great value of living gratitude.
There are also lots of people who like me got introduction to the concept and
practice it experiencing its powers in awe. The list of what people can be
grateful for is literally endless.
Hearing Dada Vaswani’s lecture was what
my employer expressed as ‘something great I might learn’. I took my chance and I
am so very grateful for that day! I am so grateful to myself for the choice I
made. Obviously a different choice could have been made that day like not
attending and sleeping instead. It was a good thing that lead to many better
things including positive mind set. On a flip side I know fairhandedly that practicing
gratitude in the midst of difficulties is not easy. It has been a rocky road to
get rid of negative ways of thinking, feeling entitled to whatever and not
appreciating where I was, who I was and what I had. Sometimes I think of all these
inspirational people, teachers and friends who have crossed my path personally
or through a talk, book or course. I am so, so grateful for that! At this stage
of my life that I am at I am also grateful for ‘all bad teachers’. What would
my life look like if I had not met them? If I made different choices? If I
didn’t get lessons? Would I have arrived to where I am now?
Gratitude is a mindset and a way of
living. As if we were taking a constant stock take of our blessings. As if we
needed to express gratitude for all our blessings. Our perception directs
internal radars to see the good in every situation and say ‘thank you’ for all
the gifts. It is much more than just good manners we use in a supermarket
to thank the shop keeper. Saying thank you to a shop assistant is often
automatic and can lack meaning. Gratitude fills words with meaning.
Gratitude requires a person to consciously
connect to the experience of being grateful. You cannot fake it. If you try -
people usually know and of course you will know too. You can't fake joy.
Gratitude generates joy, like seeing the glass as half full and being realistic
at the same time. Quite often people who are optimistic are not taken
seriously, as if the optimistic attitude makes them kind of naïve.
Gratitude is a very important
ingredient of emotional healing. It is not an instant solution that fixes things.
It is a training, like going to the gym or learning to play an instrument.
Effort and repetition lead to a shift in well-being. If you keep at it - the glass would fill magically from being
half-empty to being half-full.
Gratitude is an approach that has the
power to influence and transform an unhappy mindset. A negative mindset can
change if a person is willing to take a challenge. All you need to do is find
one, two, three things every day that you are grateful for. Make a habit of
finding a few things you are grateful for every day, day after day, week after
week, month after month.... It could be
your home (many people don’t have homes), it could be the fact you live in a
safe country (think of Afghanistan), it could be your lovely smile that people
complement – the list of things you might be grateful for is infinite. In the same
time gratitude is not about comparing oneself to others who have it better or
have it worse but understanding a big picture. Gratitude opens us to ‘what is’
instead of holding onto ‘what isn’t or ‘what if’. The challenge is to see it
though the dark clouds of misery or entitlement surrounding your mind ‘I will
be happy until I lose weight or get a better job or meet an ideal partner…’ or the
attitude of ‘I cannot never be happy because my mother, my friend, my employer
did horrible things…’
Gratitude is a very significant tool in
recovery from any type of mental health issue. Many small, medium and big bad
things that happen in life may have a destructive lasting effect on a person’s well-being.
I appreciate that suffering is difficult to overcome, making sense of what
happened (or didn’t happen) may take lots of time and may take enormous amounts
of energy. (It might never happen – cause somethings just don’t make sense and
the alternative approach is to accept that and move on.) Trying to find
something positive every day and writing about it can be very valuable. It can
also be a difficult task, but a doable one. It helps to focus on the positive
things, it give us a break. We don’t need to be suffering all the time.
Sometimes the good things seem not to be
there surrounded by dark clouds with no silver lining. This too shall pass. No
matter how bad circumstances are, we have the choice of how we think about it.
Regardless how bad the situation might be, there is always something we can be
thankful for: a nice morning, a phone call from a friend, a good movie on TV,
feeling hopeful for the future. Writing down things that you are grateful
on a daily basis will make the experience more authentic.
Recently I read an article that commented
very critically on mindfulness and gratitude. It didn’t surprise me. We are all
allowed to have different opinions, there is room for every opinion. I was
grateful for that article because it helped me to look at what gratitude brought
to my life and evaluate it. It actually made me write this. Trying to be grateful
is not easy at times, it takes lots of energy, lots of determination and
resilience. “If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you
always got" - Henry Ford. I am really happy doing what I have been
doing – and being grateful for it. 😉
My personal list of people and things
that I am grateful for it’s quite long and it wouldn’t be appropriate to share
it here. I dedicate this post to Angelina to express heartfelt thanks to her. There
are many things I am grateful to Angelina for - I would only mention that without
her skills and time the website, blog and posts would never existed. Thank you
xxx
This clip made me speechless for a long time and quite emotional. It shows the extend of gratefulness one is capable of.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ticgENDJm4
Comments
Post a Comment